One of the advantages of growing up in Lebanon was that the country was cosmopolitan. Where else would movies be subtitled in at least two languages: Arabic and either French or English? The grainy yellowish letters would constantly be jumping up and down the screen, making it difficult to follow the action, but at least we emerged from the theatre with a vague understanding of the plot. In the movie’s last frame, the final subtitle would appear, proudly informing us of the identity of the translators: “Surimpression Khouri & Obeid”. Of course, the translation was not always perfect, and in fact, there were sometimes hilarious blunders. My favorite was a guy shouting “La Ferme!” – slang for “Shut Up!” - in a French movie, which was duly subtitled: “Al Mazraa!” (“The Farm”).
When reviewing our national press lately, I have to admit that I don’t understand the “current local situation in light of the latest regional and international developments”. Where are Khouri & Obeid when you need them to explain what our beloved leaders are saying? Their speeches should all be subtitled for the benefit of us citizens.
When Mr. Aoun says: “I am not the only valid presidential candidate”, the subtitle should be: “Of course I am, and if I am not elected I will throw a fit”.
In Mr. Hariri’s case: “We are making good progress in finding a solution”, the translation might go “We are going nowhere fast and I was having more fun dealing with the Pakistanis this past summer”.
Mr. Berri’s: “I am working hard to find a consensus candidate” would be translated as “I am chilling in Ain el Tineh while sitt Randa is minding the store”.
Finally, for his His Beatitude and Eminence Patriarch Mar Nasrallah Boutros Cardinal Sfeir: “I don’t have a clue what I am talking about”. Translation: “I don’t have a clue what I am talking about”.
So there you have it, our current feature is “Country on the verge of a nervous breakdown”, and we are anxiously waiting for the new coming attraction (shortly on this screen/kareeban ‘ala hazihi al shasha). The suspense is unbearable, as we still ignore which side the country will implode from.
My uneducated guess is that March 14 will elect Nassib Lahoud. His cousin Emile will refuse to leave Baabda, and the saber rattling will reach new heights that will urgently require the services of our favorite translators. But the election is of the utmost importance as it will determine who will get to sit in the presidential armchair also known as “That obscure object of desire”. I wonder how Khouri & Obeid translated this one way back when.
When it comes to the political situation, the attitude of most of my fellow Lebanese is a variation of Timothy Leary’s book: “Turn off, tune out, drop out”. An alternative would be to copy Khouri & Obeid and send our political and religious leaders a concise but firm message: “Al Mazraa!”
MM.
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